To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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