You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
