she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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