Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
