I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
