I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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