my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
