We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
