I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Are we still banned from the library?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
