did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
