i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
