is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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