what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
