Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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