Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
