it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
