you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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