sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
