They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
