I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Drunk is a universal language darling
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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