You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
