I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
