rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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