My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
