you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize