i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so let's talk penis.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
