Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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