the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
