just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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