Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
third nipple confirmed
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
