ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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