apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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