If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Do you remember whose house we're in?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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