I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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