I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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