It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
