Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
