i would punch a child for taco bell
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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