Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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