i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
