school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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