i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
