Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
