I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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