so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
