I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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