THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
