i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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