apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
