I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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