i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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